Fighting Goliath

  A Positive Detour  Schizophrenia Bulletin , Volume 44, Issue 5, September 2018, Page 947,  https://doi.org/10.1093/schbul/sbw070 Sometimes life can take detours for which you had not planned. Coming out of high school and entering college, I thought I would write poetry and fiction as my career. That was a goal I was moving toward. In many ways I was wearing blinders, but the only thing I cared about was the written word. I spent hours jotting poetry in a spiral notebook that was not far away from my back pocket. I figured I was not going to be a best-selling writer, but I enjoyed the high that came from a single line that provided temporary inspiration. Suddenly a slap to the face knocked the blinders from my eyes. I received a diagnosis of schizoaffective disorder. How would this detour affect my writing? In the beginning stages of recovery, I felt no inspiration to write. It was more than a mental block—I lost my inspiration. My inspiration took the form of del...

  How I made the Decision Not to Have Children Schizophrenia Bulletin , Volume 45, Issue 6, November 2019, Page 1167,  https://doi.org/10.1093/schbul/sby102 Published:  02 July 2018   It isn’t because I don’t like kids, because I do.   I get excited with my friends when they post pictures of their kids on social network.   They are beautiful, and I can see that family means so much to my friends.   The best job I ever had was a pre-school teacher’s aide before I joined the Army. Every day was something new with these kids- finger painting, building blocks, singing, and laughing. Watching them learn new ideas and catch on to new concepts was thrilling.   They called me Mr. Jason--what a great title!   As much as I loved being around those pre-schoolers, I made the permanent decision not to have children of my own.             I can't help, however, wondering about the positive ...

  A Gift in Words             Awhile back in the isolating times of Covid coupled with national unrest, most people in our country need to be lifted through words of affirmation that we speak to each other. Add mental illness to life’s uncertainty, and it is like dousing a fire with gasoline.   My mental illness has taught me to be mindful of what some may view as the little things of life--a dash of sun in the chill of winter, a slice of pizza, or a cup of recharging coffee, or perhaps a compliment.             Every month I must go to the Veteran’s hospital for a blood check and to get my medication. I do not necessarily look forward to the trip, because I must wake up at 7am. It is, however, nice to get out of my apartment routine and see real people. Even though I do talk to my parents daily by phone, it is reassuring to be face to face with my psychiatrist and...

  Understanding My Personal Schizophrenia https://doi.org/10.1093/schbul/sbad166               Twenty years have passed since I started recovery from my schizophrenia. Those years have taught me many lessons about my diagnosis, and my purpose in life now is to use those learned lessons to help others who have recently been diagnosed. One of the important lessons I have learned over the years is that everyone’s mental health journey is different. We all may have the same symptoms, but those symptoms may vary widely depending on the person. The right treatment plan has helped me to manage my symptoms, even though my medication does not take away my diagnosis of schizoaffective disorder bipolar type. My brain disease is incurable, but it is not an excuse for me to be irresponsible or to give up on life.               One of my medications causes weight gain. On...

  Running Low on My Medication                Since my mental health diagnosis, I have been deeply aware of taking my prescribed medication. In order to manage the symptoms of schizoaffective disorder, it is crucial that I stay on the regimen that my doctor and I have worked out together. One of my medications has to be prescribed by the pharmacy after I have blood drawn. The timing of having my blood drawn, getting the report to my doctor, his studying the report, confirming next month’s meds, and getting my monthly prescription mailed to me is a tightrope of timing. Because of a move to a new state and a new psychiatrist, I recently found myself running right up to the night when I took my last pill for the month, however, my prescription for the next month had not arrived. As a result, I began to fixate on not having enough medication to get me from month to month.         ...

  To Mom and Dad   You gave me the sun sky and stars The cool touch of Fall And the hot tub feel of the Summer While placing me in this family’s shelter Having the right amount of distance Between So we will not step on each other toes You are fine examples of patience and love You touch my soul like cushioned slippers And were part of my life Swimming with me in the undertow I am as comfortable with you as cold beer celebrations I can’t wait to see you again