In Tune with a Broken World

 

In Tune with a Broken World

 

            I can only wish that my life was like the saying, “If it ain’t broke…don’t fix it.” However, most people are broken. As a person with schizophrenia, I definitely feel this. The fact I have schizophrenia, I try to figure out what is broken, try to understand it, and figure out how to fix it.

            In my younger years, I was going through life blind and ignorantly. I did not see myself as broken, and I had not yet experienced life in the world. I went day to day not understanding the reasoning of my thoughts and actions. I needed to evaluate not just who I was, but where I was going. I thought I knew what I wanted. I wanted to get to A to B, but I did not know how to get there. I now know it takes work. It takes planning.

            I think mindfulness and meditation are especially important. They are even trending now which makes me think more people want to understand themselves and not go through life not questioning their thoughts and actions. They want to understand their life better. It helps me to pray to a higher power.

            There are some who say, “Be a man.” I have never received the definition of what that means. It is tough being a man alone. I have no regret for getting help. It is one of the best things that I have ever done. People are learning it is okay to be broken, and it is okay not to be okay. It is okay to ask for help.

            The entire world is broken, and life can be tough. My psyche was broken. Thankfully, with the help of my parents I was able to ask for help. I thought that people were after me, but now I understand most people are interested in their own life. Even now I realize when I am in a crowded place, I might think people are talking about me. Sometimes I really try to eavesdrop on their conversation to find out they do not even know who I am.

            When life gets hard for me, I experience paranoia, and I think my neighbors are trying to talk to me through my front door. Tv and music are a great distraction. Having a distraction from a tough time in life is one thing all of us need. Medication also helps manage these symptoms. With this help, I do my best to recognize what is not right and what is not supposed to be there.

            One thing I have learned from my life with schizophrenia is one size does not fix all. On a typical day I have a daily routine that helps me get through. I share my story with all kinds of people, especially people who have a similar diagnosis. This has given me purpose, and having purpose helps to combat a broken world.

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