Taking on Goliath (And Winning)

  Understanding My Delusion               A psychiatrist once told me in her opinion I understand my illness better than most of her patients. I took that as a compliment because I have worked hard to understand my diagnosis of schizoaffective disorder in order to recognize my symptoms. For example, it is important to know that the belief that someone is in love with me isn’t really going on, but probably a delusion.             I have a chart about schizophrenia’s positive symptoms on my refrigerator. I usually look at it after I have a delusion such as feeling stalked, hunted, framed, or tricked.   The voices in my head often make me forget what I want to say or make me forget where I put things that I need at the time.   I've learned this is another one of the common delusions of schizoaffective disorder called   persecutory delusions.  ...

  Surviving the Voices Schizophrenia Bulletin, Volume 44, Issue 4, July 2018, Page 706 https://doi.org/10.1093/schbul/sbw143             Most people living with schizophrenia have a grandiose voice or voices which feed their delusions--mixing some parts of reality and some parts of fantasy.   When a patient becomes stable he/she learns to check the evidence in determining whether or not the delusion is real.   It is like checking for rainbows after a storm, or finally seeing light in a dark place. The grandiose voice comes from that mixture of a person's genetics and life experiences.               For an example one might have a grandiose idea that he is a boxer. Maybe from watching Rocky movies or highlights of Mohammad Ali fights. These experiences might lead the person with untreated schizophrenia to believe he is a boxer. This grandiose idea, no...

  What is Triggering my Stress? Schizophrenia Bulletin, Volume 50, Issue 1, January 2024, Pages 9-10, https://doi.org/10.1093/schbul/sbac009 Published: 07 February 2022             There are times when I know that stress in my life is triggering my schizoaffective symptoms. I have to do an evaluation to determine what is causing that stress. It could be just underneath the surface, and I have difficulty putting into words what is causing the stress. Often the best way to find what is stressing me out, what it is just underneath the surface, is talking to a close friend, family member, or doctor. I am constantly reminded; I cannot do this alone. I need support to get through these anxious times.             Recently I have a major life even coming up in my life. I am moving to South Carolina to be close to my family. I will be living close to the beach in an area w...

  Life Today on 9/11/2026               Today marks the twenty fifth anniversary of when America was attacked. To put it lightly, I felt weak and sad. I needed therapy which for me was walking to the Veteran’s hospital a few blocks from my apartment. I usually walk along the perimeter passing the employees and other veterans.             I guess I was feeling down because I had the best intentions, feeling the need to be patriotic and serve my country. Severe mental illness does not care about good intentions or feeling the need to be patriotic. However, walking around the VA grounds centers me. I was not in the army for very long, but I did serve dealing with the clashes of different personalities.             Some of the other veterans that I pass during my walk wear ballcaps that say, “Air Force Veteran,...

  Changing My Perspective About My Mental Illness             When I was younger, I do not remember any of my friends being diagnosed with mental illness.   One of my friends had attention deficit disorder for which he was prescribed medication, but I knew no one who had a serious mental illness.   No one in my family had a mental illness, so my perspective about mental illness was limited, at best.   I now know that mental illness is all around us whether we acknowledge it or not.   Some statistics say that one in four people have mental illness or know someone who has. My perspective changed drastically when a few years ago, I was diagnosed with serious mental illness.                   I had come back from the army and the transition was not going well.   One of my earliest memories of psychosis is when I thought I could u...

 AVENUES OF SUPPORT Schizophrenia Bulletin, Volume 45, Issues, January 2019, Page 6 https://doi.org/10.1093/scbul/sbx047  A person suffering from schizophrenia needs emotional support--a counselor, a doctor, or even a friend or family member who has done some research on this brain disorder.  The conclusion reached after talking to this trusted person may always be the same--I hear, see, and sometimes, even smell, things that are not happening.  These symptoms occur because I have schizophrenia.  Even though I take my medication and try to reduce the stressors in my life, I will still sometimes experience the symptoms.  The difference is in my response to those symptoms.  I don't have to react to them because they are not actually going on in my reality. Sometimes my symptoms feel like a boiling pot that is about to boil over.  In real life, I can turn down the heat, so the water doesn't boil over. Recently I decided to go to my favorite hambu...