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A Soldier Comes Home and a War With Schizophrenia Begins

  A Soldier Comes Home and a War With Schizophrenia Begins Jason A Jepson Schizophrenia Bulletin , Volume 52, Issue 1, January 2026, sbac079, https://doi.org/10.1093/schbul/sbac079 Published: 29 June 2022 I joined the Army with the best of intentions. I was working as a preschool teacher’s aide—a good job—but I wanted to do more. 9/11 was still a recent memory, so I decided that it was time to serve my country. I went for basic and advance training in Fort Knox Kentucky. It was tough. Some soldiers don’t even get through training. The drill sergeants tear you down and try to bring you back up again. During my first couple of weeks in basic, I got smoked a lot. Smoked is when a drill sergeant yells at you to run up and down steps, or to do push up until you achieve muscle failure. Some soldiers who experience this, either cry or just drop. I didn’t do either one. A drill sergeant would get into my face and yell, “Why don’t you cry?!” I didn’t have an answer. I remember o...
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Group Therapy Adventures

  Group Therapy Adventures     A person can look around McGuire Veterans Hospital (or any other veteran’s hospital) and feel depressed about the paraplegics, amputees or the men talking to themselves, angry at the voices in their heads, or the doctors with the thousand yard stare, overwhelmed at what they have seen on their rounds, and some of them maybe as bad off as soldiers who have actually seen combat.   Occasionally you see a smile, and that smile is contagious. These surroundings can make you wonder:   Is death paying the ultimate price for freedom, or is death really living the rest of your life with a handicap?             Today the V-A mental health group went to a Chinese buffet which was a lot better than the overdone turkey and stuffing they served in the cafeteria yesterday. At the buffet, the ex-soldiers filled their plates up and then went back for seconds.     ...
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Understanding My Personal Schizophrenia

  Understanding My Personal Schizophrenia   Published: 17 October 2023 A correction has been published: Schizophrenia Bulletin , sbad166, https://doi.org/10.1093/schbul/sbad166   Over twenty years have passed since I started recovery from my schizophrenia. Those years have taught me many lessons about my diagnosis, and my purpose in life now is to use those learned lessons to help others who have recently been diagnosed. One of the important lessons I have learned over the years is that everyone’s mental health journey is different. We all may have the same symptoms, but those symptoms may vary widely depending on the person. The right treatment plan has helped me to manage my symptoms, even though my medication does not take away my diagnosis of schizoaffective disorder bipolar type. My brain disease is incurable, but it is not an excuse for me to be irresponsible or to give up on life. One of my medications causes weight gain. One of the ways I combat th...
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Portraits to Remember

  Portraits to Remember             Awhile back, a Picasso exbibit came to my city’s art museum. I was excited to view the exhibit because I have always admired Picasso and his influence on other visual artists. One painting by Picasso, called Celestina, was a woman with an eye that was semi closed, even dead, and some might call ‘ugly.’ Picasso painted Celestina during, what was called, his Blue Period, using drab shades of blue and an overall theme of despondency. The painting of Celestina has so much detail that one might think it a photograph upon first examination. Personally, I was draw to Christina’s eye. While the rest of Christina’s portrait was normal, her eye called out for my attention.             I wondered how Picasso had encountered Christina. Was she familiar to the people around her community, and how did they treat her because of her deformity? Did Pi...
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Beware of Triggers

  Beware of Triggers Recently I was watching the movie, A Few Good Men, which was a favorite of mine, even before I joined the army. It has good acting and a good twist and turn storyline. The plot of the movie centers around the trial of two marines who participated in a hazing incident in which they were ordered to put a tainted rag down a weaker marine’s throat and then to tape his mouth shut. As I watched an actor describing in full detail what had happened, in my mind, I was transported back to a night in the desert when I was in the army, and I had a similar experience.             I try not to dwell on this traumatic event, but as I watched the movie, I relived my horrible experience from the Mojave Desert. I quickly turned off the television, but the thoughts of my own encounter came roaring back, and I found myself experiencing the incident all over again.           ...
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My Impulsivity

  My Impulsivity Schizophrenia Bulletin Open, volume 5, Issue 1, January 2024, sgae014 http://doi.org/10.1093/schizobullopen/sgae014               I often wonder why I feel the need to post on social media when my post will sometimes be considered insignificant. Is it just the instant gratification of seeing if people agree with me? How productive is it really when I share my story online repeatedly?             I googled my mental illness recently and learned something new about my diagnosis of schizoaffective disorder. I learned that impulsiveness can be a characteristic of schizophrenia. I quickly recognized impulsivity as a problem in my social media posts. Like many, I want instant gratification from others when I share my thoughts about mental illness online. Even reading about impulsivity, I felt the immediate need to post about my own impulsivity. ...
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Understanding My Delusions

  Understanding My Delusion               A psychiatrist once told me in her opinion I understand my illness better than most of her patients. I took that as a compliment because I have worked hard to understand my diagnosis of schizoaffective disorder in order to recognize my symptoms. For example, it is important to know that the belief that someone is in love with me isn’t really going on, but probably a delusion.             I have a chart about schizophrenia’s positive symptoms on my refrigerator. I usually look at it after I have a delusion such as feeling stalked, hunted, framed, or tricked.   The voices in my head often make me forget what I want to say or make me forget where I put things that I need at the time.   I've learned this is another one of the common delusions of schizoaffective disorder called   persecutory delusions.  ...
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