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Understanding My Personal Schizophrenia

  Understanding My Personal Schizophrenia   Published: 17 October 2023 A correction has been published: Schizophrenia Bulletin , sbad166, https://doi.org/10.1093/schbul/sbad166   Over twenty years have passed since I started recovery from my schizophrenia. Those years have taught me many lessons about my diagnosis, and my purpose in life now is to use those learned lessons to help others who have recently been diagnosed. One of the important lessons I have learned over the years is that everyone’s mental health journey is different. We all may have the same symptoms, but those symptoms may vary widely depending on the person. The right treatment plan has helped me to manage my symptoms, even though my medication does not take away my diagnosis of schizoaffective disorder bipolar type. My brain disease is incurable, but it is not an excuse for me to be irresponsible or to give up on life. One of my medications causes weight gain. One of the ways I combat th...
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Portraits to Remember

  Portraits to Remember             Awhile back, a Picasso exbibit came to my city’s art museum. I was excited to view the exhibit because I have always admired Picasso and his influence on other visual artists. One painting by Picasso, called Celestina, was a woman with an eye that was semi closed, even dead, and some might call ‘ugly.’ Picasso painted Celestina during, what was called, his Blue Period, using drab shades of blue and an overall theme of despondency. The painting of Celestina has so much detail that one might think it a photograph upon first examination. Personally, I was draw to Christina’s eye. While the rest of Christina’s portrait was normal, her eye called out for my attention.             I wondered how Picasso had encountered Christina. Was she familiar to the people around her community, and how did they treat her because of her deformity? Did Pi...
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Beware of Triggers

  Beware of Triggers Recently I was watching the movie, A Few Good Men, which was a favorite of mine, even before I joined the army. It has good acting and a good twist and turn storyline. The plot of the movie centers around the trial of two marines who participated in a hazing incident in which they were ordered to put a tainted rag down a weaker marine’s throat and then to tape his mouth shut. As I watched an actor describing in full detail what had happened, in my mind, I was transported back to a night in the desert when I was in the army, and I had a similar experience.             I try not to dwell on this traumatic event, but as I watched the movie, I relived my horrible experience from the Mojave Desert. I quickly turned off the television, but the thoughts of my own encounter came roaring back, and I found myself experiencing the incident all over again.           ...
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My Impulsivity

  My Impulsivity Schizophrenia Bulletin Open, volume 5, Issue 1, January 2024, sgae014 http://doi.org/10.1093/schizobullopen/sgae014               I often wonder why I feel the need to post on social media when my post will sometimes be considered insignificant. Is it just the instant gratification of seeing if people agree with me? How productive is it really when I share my story online repeatedly?             I googled my mental illness recently and learned something new about my diagnosis of schizoaffective disorder. I learned that impulsiveness can be a characteristic of schizophrenia. I quickly recognized impulsivity as a problem in my social media posts. Like many, I want instant gratification from others when I share my thoughts about mental illness online. Even reading about impulsivity, I felt the immediate need to post about my own impulsivity. ...
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Understanding My Delusions

  Understanding My Delusion               A psychiatrist once told me in her opinion I understand my illness better than most of her patients. I took that as a compliment because I have worked hard to understand my diagnosis of schizoaffective disorder in order to recognize my symptoms. For example, it is important to know that the belief that someone is in love with me isn’t really going on, but probably a delusion.             I have a chart about schizophrenia’s positive symptoms on my refrigerator. I usually look at it after I have a delusion such as feeling stalked, hunted, framed, or tricked.   The voices in my head often make me forget what I want to say or make me forget where I put things that I need at the time.   I've learned this is another one of the common delusions of schizoaffective disorder called   persecutory delusions.  ...
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Surviving the Voices

  Surviving the Voices Schizophrenia Bulletin, Volume 44, Issue 4, July 2018, Page 706 https://doi.org/10.1093/schbul/sbw143             Most people living with schizophrenia have a grandiose voice or voices which feed their delusions--mixing some parts of reality and some parts of fantasy.   When a patient becomes stable he/she learns to check the evidence in determining whether or not the delusion is real.   It is like checking for rainbows after a storm, or finally seeing light in a dark place. The grandiose voice comes from that mixture of a person's genetics and life experiences.               For an example one might have a grandiose idea that he is a boxer. Maybe from watching Rocky movies or highlights of Mohammad Ali fights. These experiences might lead the person with untreated schizophrenia to believe he is a boxer. This grandiose idea, no...
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What is Triggering my Stress?

  What is Triggering my Stress? Schizophrenia Bulletin, Volume 50, Issue 1, January 2024, Pages 9-10, https://doi.org/10.1093/schbul/sbac009 Published: 07 February 2022             There are times when I know that stress in my life is triggering my schizoaffective symptoms. I have to do an evaluation to determine what is causing that stress. It could be just underneath the surface, and I have difficulty putting into words what is causing the stress. Often the best way to find what is stressing me out, what it is just underneath the surface, is talking to a close friend, family member, or doctor. I am constantly reminded; I cannot do this alone. I need support to get through these anxious times.             Recently I have a major life even coming up in my life. I am moving to South Carolina to be close to my family. I will be living close to the beach in an area w...
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