Taking on Goliath (And Winning)

  Summer Rain   Steam breathing from the asphalt As I smell the summer rain Falling from daydream blue skies and bitesize cotton ball clouds Not regretting I got my car washed before Love these cool breeze moments Never lose sight of the tip-toe sprinkles While walking to my mailbox Neighbor trying to get her steps in Went back to my apartment To listen to the discord of my youth On my vinyl, best friend memories

  Words. How I Use Them             Do you remember the old saying heard on the playground, “Sticks and stones might break my bones, but words can never hurt me?” People often throw around words like “crazy” or “psychotic” to describe those with a mental health diagnosis. The word “psychotic” is not necessarily a stigmatizing word, but people sometimes use it as an insult. Most of the insults I have experienced are inside my head when my paranoia or delusions take over. Self-stigmatizing can also be a product of our experiences.             I experienced hazing in the military. If it were not for that event, it would likely have been some other traumatic event to bring out my schizophrenia. Yes, I said it: I have schizophrenia, specifically schizoaffective disorder. An urgent call by my parents to the police made me realize I needed help. Those events, as horrible as th...

  Be an above Average Whiteboy             I was in my sophomore year of high school and on my way to screen printing class when a black student put his fist up to the sun and shouted, “It’s your world Whitey!”             I instantly thought, “My world? I don’t want it! You take it!”             The student was also in my screen-printing class, and later in the year, we actually became friends, such good friends that one day he asked me what my nationality was. I thought he was asking about my speech impediment-it did give a slight accent.             He told me that he knew about my speech impediment, and he didn’t care about that. He added that he never got along this well with a white person. I could relate to his statement because I had never gotten alo...

  A Blessing in Disguise             Back during Corona Virus restrictions and my diagnosis of schizophrenia, I do not have a problem with self-isolation.   There are many days when I have no social interaction at all except for calling my parents.   Because of my schizophrenia I tend to shy away from large social gatherings.   Receiving news that a close relative whom I enjoyed from my childhood had died from Covid, caused me to want to stay isolated even more. However, recently I learned a lesson about how much freedom can be found by venturing outside the boundaries I have created.             Recently I was able to buy a brand-new car. Since my parents live about two hours away, having my own car allows me to be independent which is important to me.   My daily schedule is flexible, meaning there are some days where I do not drive at all, however, I pu...

  Facing Negative Symptoms and Unwanted Side Effects From my Psyche Meds Which are Taken for My Schizoaffective Disorder               My daily routine varies from day to day. Sometimes there are more items on my to-do list than others. I spread my list throughout the week so I will have something to do on any given day. Today might as well have been a free day since the only thing I felt like I needed to do was to take a walk and start a new book on audible.             I know I cannot predict the symptoms of my schizoaffective diagnosis. Just like I cannot predict the side effects of the medication I take for my mental health diagnosis. Looking back on today, however, I feel like I should have more receptive to my feelings about taking a day off for rest instead of pushing myself to walk when I did not want to do so. I continued my walk, but the feelings of laz...

 Teach them to be self aware Schizophrenia Bulletin, Volume 39, Issue 3, Published 01 November 2012 https://doi.org/10.1093/schbul/sbs126 Several Schizophrenics think that their voices and delusions are true. I have been on my medications for years now, and even I have to tell myself that I am not that popular. You probably think that sounds simple enough. If I don’t do that I do my best to ignore them.  I believe that most schizophrenics do hear positive voices in their head. I thought I could hear the voice of God, and it was God who told me to refer myself to mental health at Fort Irwin California. I also thought it was a voice of God who told me that I will get the help I needed in my second stay in the psyche ward. Believe it or not I think it was that voice that helped me to be self aware to question what I was feeling or in some cases ask if something was really going on. I sometimes hear negative voices too. They can be insulting and they can tell me to kill myself...