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Never mind... I Have Car Insurance

 Never Mind... I Have Car Insurance Schizophrenia Bulletin, Volume 46, Issue 2 Published 28 November 2018 https://doi.org/10.1093/schbul/sby174  I had a full time job at an Italian restaurant, and I was flunking out of college. I was just in a relationship that ended badly, and I thought the friends of my former girlfriend were spreading rumors about me. When I was by myself or walking to my job, I often heard mean voices calling me a loser and other bad things. I had stopped going to class because the voices in my head coming from two people or a crowd were making me feel inadequate and alienated. I thought they were making fun of me, for whatever reason.  I know now it was the start of a break down.  The only thing that was going good for me was that I had good loyal friends that would do whatever I asked them to do. They would listen to me, but they did not have the help that I needed.  As I tried to reach out to them, I know now that some of my behavior ...
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The Lifestyle Change

 The Lifestyle Change When I was in my twenties and early thirties, I enjoyed drinking alcohol with my friends. It wiped away my inhibitions, and I felt invincible. I understand why some might enjoy alcoholic beverages, but when you consume as  I did--five or six times a week and several beers at a time, drinking alcohol becomes unhealthy, not to mention expensive. When I was drinking I was not trying to escape life or running from anything, I just liked the way it made me feel. A cigarette and a beer was all I needed to relax, and I did that with a very regular frequency! I remember one particular Friday night I decided to count how many beers I drank that day and evening.  I bought a twelve pack of beer from the grocery store which I drank throughout the day.  After that I went to a nearby bar and had seven more beers. Yes, that's nineteen beers in a twenty-four hour period.  Clearly I had a serious problem.  I could not have just one beer and stop....
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Coping with My Delusion

  Coping with My Delusions Schizophrenia Bulletin, volume 47, Issue 4, July 2021, Page 888 https://doi.org/10.1093/schbul/sbaa189 Published: 22 January 2021                             One of the common symptoms of my schizophrenia is that, on occasion, I have delusions. I try to do everything I can to manage my symptoms, but I do have a mental illness that has no cure, even though it can be controlled by medication.   My delusions are sometimes like stories in my mind often accompanied by pictures and the voices of people I might not have seen for many years.   The fact that a delusion involves familiar people or places makes it seems even more real.   That is why it took me awhile to accept that these delusions were not based in reality.             An example of a recent delus...
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Reflections

  Reflections Schizophrenia Bulletin, Volume 45, Issue 3, May 2019, Page 502 https://doi.org/10.1093/schbul/sbx186              Looking back there are steps in my recovery from mental illness that I was totally unaware of as I was going through them.   Recently I’ve been thinking about the positive steps in my recovery.               It began when I finally accepted my mental illness and became consistent with my medication.   I realized that this was how life was going to be.   I would have this illness for the rest of my life.   It would be up to me to have a voice in how my future would develop.             After I left the hospital for the second time, I went into a homeless respite for a period of time.   After being confined to a hospital I enjoyed this newfound freedom and...
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What to Say and What Not to Say

  What to say and what not to say                         I guess it is a kind of intelligence to know what to say and what not to say. It takes a special kind of intellect to quickly understand if a stranger will understand or not understand. I have not necessarily mastered it, but I do my best to try to understand a new acquaintance.             I was born with a speech impediment. At a young age, I realize that some words I cannot say, because some people will not be able to understand. I figured I would be misunderstood. I was comfortable staying quiet. Luckily, I discovered writing, and quickly I learned this was the best way for me to communicate. My speech impediment was having trouble with the “r’ sound.             I may have gotten better with my s...
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Being Present in My Treatment

  Being Present in My Treatment             With my treatment I know I just can not wait to be complacent and actively involved in my treatment plan. I have to show my face and introduce myself to those who are part of my support team.             I have been in the VA system since about 2006. During that period of time, I have seen several different psychiatrists. Every time I get a new doctor, I have to reintroduce myself. In doing so, I want to present my best self, so I want to be seen as a person who cares. I try not to be late for the appointment, and I try to be patient with them as they get to know me and my mental health history. I realize I am not the only patient they see, and in most cases, they are over worked. I take a deep breath, share my past symptoms, and present symptoms. I want them to know that I am more than just a computer screen. I am more than a...
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A Vet's Recovery

  A Vet’s Recovery Schizophrenia Bulletin, Volume 42, Issue 1, published 19 August 2015 https://doi.org/10.1093/schbul/sbv115   I have just passed my 15 year anniversary since being diagnosed with schizophrenia.   Where has the time gone?   Some battles are over after one skirmish, others last a lifetime.   When my diagnosis came,   my life was full of paranoia, delusions, and I was out of control.   I reacted to every overpowering influence with bizarre behavior.   The voices kept me isolated, on guard even when I was trying to sleep.   I was in control of a world that no one else could see or hear.   In truth, I was on a one way street that would only lead to my demise. The last ten years has not been easy.   There have been hospital stays, numerous medications changes, and major lifestyle changes.   All of that has brought me to today where I am in a state of constant recovery.   I am fully aware that recove...
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