Taking on Goliath (And Winning)

  Life Today on 9/11/2026               Today marks the twenty fifth anniversary of when America was attacked. To put it lightly, I felt weak and sad. I needed therapy which for me was walking to the Veteran’s hospital a few blocks from my apartment. I usually walk along the perimeter passing the employees and other veterans.             I guess I was feeling down because I had the best intentions, feeling the need to be patriotic and serve my country. Severe mental illness does not care about good intentions or feeling the need to be patriotic. However, walking around the VA grounds centers me. I was not in the army for very long, but I did serve dealing with the clashes of different personalities.             Some of the other veterans that I pass during my walk wear ballcaps that say, “Air Force Veteran,...

  Changing My Perspective About My Mental Illness             When I was younger, I do not remember any of my friends being diagnosed with mental illness.   One of my friends had attention deficit disorder for which he was prescribed medication, but I knew no one who had a serious mental illness.   No one in my family had a mental illness, so my perspective about mental illness was limited, at best.   I now know that mental illness is all around us whether we acknowledge it or not.   Some statistics say that one in four people have mental illness or know someone who has. My perspective changed drastically when a few years ago, I was diagnosed with serious mental illness.                   I had come back from the army and the transition was not going well.   One of my earliest memories of psychosis is when I thought I could u...

 AVENUES OF SUPPORT Schizophrenia Bulletin, Volume 45, Issues, January 2019, Page 6 https://doi.org/10.1093/scbul/sbx047  A person suffering from schizophrenia needs emotional support--a counselor, a doctor, or even a friend or family member who has done some research on this brain disorder.  The conclusion reached after talking to this trusted person may always be the same--I hear, see, and sometimes, even smell, things that are not happening.  These symptoms occur because I have schizophrenia.  Even though I take my medication and try to reduce the stressors in my life, I will still sometimes experience the symptoms.  The difference is in my response to those symptoms.  I don't have to react to them because they are not actually going on in my reality. Sometimes my symptoms feel like a boiling pot that is about to boil over.  In real life, I can turn down the heat, so the water doesn't boil over. Recently I decided to go to my favorite hambu...

  My Cognitive Issues and Schizophrenia Schizophrenia Bulletin, sbaf225, https://doi.org/10.1093/schbul/sbaf225 Published: 11 December 2025   I guess I did not fully understand what the word cognitive actually meant as it relates to my diagnosis of schizoaffective disorder. I just thought I was getting older, and I could be forgetful. However, a podcast by some of my advocate friends gave me a better understanding of what forgetfulness means in my life. A funny part of the podcast happened when one of the hosts forgot his train of thought. A loss of cognition can be a part of schizophrenia, and for me sometimes it can be a combination of delusions and forgetfulness. Even though I know about most of the triggers that influence my delusions, being forgetful can be there too. Some evenings it feels like delusions of the people in my head are trying to trick me or make me forget things I need to remember. I honestly did not know what was going on, but I knew it was my ...

  Fighting the Loneliness By Jason Jepson   I haven't always had to fight loneliness and isolation.   When I was younger I loved going out to listen to live music.   Dancing was a fun way for me to interact with others.   I enjoyed being social and was always looking for a place to meet friends at a bar or show.   All of that has changed since my diagnosis of schizoaffective disorder.   Fighting loneliness has become part of my new normal.   Isolating myself because of my mental illness can easily lead to loneliness and depression in my life now.             One Saturday evening a few years ago I decided to count how many beers I had consumed in a 24 hour period.   I counted 19.   I realized at that moment, I have to rethink my alcohol consumption.             Before my diagnosis of schizoaffective disorder, my life sty...

  Filling Time and Space after Trauma                           When I came home from my time in the U.S. Army, I was overpowered by voices, paranoia, and delusions from my schizoaffective disorder. It is an invisible illness that turns your brain into a slave to symptoms. I thought the voices and the false impulses could be heard by my parents. I thought my symptoms were turning my parents against me. I thought they were listening and being influence by the “enemy” voices inside my “mental atmosphere,” inside my mind yet out in the open. My brain disorder felt like it was infinite.             Life was not easy for me in the military. My superiors did not know how to manage my insubordinations, and the fact I just did not fit what they were trying to accomplish. I thought the other soldiers could see my...