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My Cognitive Issues and Schizophrenia

  My Cognitive Issues and Schizophrenia Schizophrenia Bulletin, sbaf225, https://doi.org/10.1093/schbul/sbaf225 Published: 11 December 2025   I guess I did not fully understand what the word cognitive actually meant as it relates to my diagnosis of schizoaffective disorder. I just thought I was getting older, and I could be forgetful. However, a podcast by some of my advocate friends gave me a better understanding of what forgetfulness means in my life. A funny part of the podcast happened when one of the hosts forgot his train of thought. A loss of cognition can be a part of schizophrenia, and for me sometimes it can be a combination of delusions and forgetfulness. Even though I know about most of the triggers that influence my delusions, being forgetful can be there too. Some evenings it feels like delusions of the people in my head are trying to trick me or make me forget things I need to remember. I honestly did not know what was going on, but I knew it was my ...
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Fighting the Loneliness

  Fighting the Loneliness By Jason Jepson   I haven't always had to fight loneliness and isolation.   When I was younger I loved going out to listen to live music.   Dancing was a fun way for me to interact with others.   I enjoyed being social and was always looking for a place to meet friends at a bar or show.   All of that has changed since my diagnosis of schizoaffective disorder.   Fighting loneliness has become part of my new normal.   Isolating myself because of my mental illness can easily lead to loneliness and depression in my life now.             One Saturday evening a few years ago I decided to count how many beers I had consumed in a 24 hour period.   I counted 19.   I realized at that moment, I have to rethink my alcohol consumption.             Before my diagnosis of schizoaffective disorder, my life sty...
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Filling Time and Space after Trauma

  Filling Time and Space after Trauma                           When I came home from my time in the U.S. Army, I was overpowered by voices, paranoia, and delusions from my schizoaffective disorder. It is an invisible illness that turns your brain into a slave to symptoms. I thought the voices and the false impulses could be heard by my parents. I thought my symptoms were turning my parents against me. I thought they were listening and being influence by the “enemy” voices inside my “mental atmosphere,” inside my mind yet out in the open. My brain disorder felt like it was infinite.             Life was not easy for me in the military. My superiors did not know how to manage my insubordinations, and the fact I just did not fit what they were trying to accomplish. I thought the other soldiers could see my...
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Adults at Play

  Adults at Play               Recently, I saw the movie “The Sandlot.” I had watched this movie before, and one scene is always a highlight for me. It is the scene when the boys finally get over the fence. They followed “The beast” to a pit filled with baseballs so many it was hard to count all of them.             Sanchez says, “Now we can play forever.”             Isn’t that the secret…playing forever?             I was reminded of my time as a pre-school teacher’s aide. One of my favorite commands after I tied a shoe or wiped a nose was “Go play.” They knew what that meant. Also, how could I forget children pulling me to play along? How could I not?             “Mr. Jason, play with me!!” ...
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Motivation for Writing

 Motivation for Writing Schizophrenia Bulletin, Volume 45, Issue 6, November 2019, Pages 1165-1166 https://doi.org/10.1093/schbul/sby042       In addition to my first person account writings, I like to write poetry.  Should someone ask me to use an analogy to describe my writing process, I would answer that writing to me is like water skiing.  In writing, as in water skiing, there is that tug that I feel when an idea tries to take hold.  My schizophrenia causes words to just pop up, and sometimes I have to maneuver around them, not knowing what will make sense.  All it takes is an idea to pull me up, and I hold onto it, letting the words flow.      In water skiing there may be a few wakes to cross or obstacles to dodge in the path.  I try to get all my ideas down on paper, knowing that some of my written thoughts will be edited to make my writing clear and easier to understand.  Sometimes I am the only one who knows e...
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My Schizophrenia Checklist

  My Schizophrenia Checklist Schizophrenia Bulletin, volume 52, issue 1, January 2026, sbac 207 https://doi.org/10.1093/schbul/sbac207 published : 19 January 2023               One important milestone in my schizophrenia recovery story happened when I was staying in a homeless respite. I had been hospitalized, and this was the next step to my beginning to live on my own again. I was beginning to feel clearer, and the medication I had been prescribed started to take hold. Gradually my symptoms started to subside. I accepted that I did, in fact, have schizophrenia and all the doctors I had talked to were right. I understood schizophrenia was a severe mental illness, and its symptoms of delusions and hearing voices might not ever fully go away. I wanted to understand the general symptoms of my brain disease. I began to make a checklist of my symptoms that I took to my therapy sessions with my psychiatrist. I could s...
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Summer Rain

  Summer Rain   Steam breathing from the asphalt As I smell the summer rain Falling from daydream blue skies and bitesize cotton ball clouds Not regretting I got my car washed before Love these cool breeze moments Never lose sight of the tip-toe sprinkles While walking to my mailbox Neighbor trying to get her steps in Went back to my apartment To listen to the discord of my youth On my vinyl, best friend memories
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