Coping with My Delusion

 

Coping with My Delusions

Schizophrenia Bulletin, volume 47, Issue 4, July 2021, Page 888

https://doi.org/10.1093/schbul/sbaa189

Published: 22 January 2021

               

            One of the common symptoms of my schizophrenia is that, on occasion, I have delusions. I try to do everything I can to manage my symptoms, but I do have a mental illness that has no cure, even though it can be controlled by medication.  My delusions are sometimes like stories in my mind often accompanied by pictures and the voices of people I might not have seen for many years.  The fact that a delusion involves familiar people or places makes it seems even more real.  That is why it took me awhile to accept that these delusions were not based in reality.

            An example of a recent delusion that I had turned out to be a humorous story in my mind.  The delusion began with an old man and three women who are regularly part of my delusions.  The old man is there to distract me from something I might be concentrating on at the time.  He likes to make fun of some of the idiosyncrasies that I might have, like eating chili out of the can, or he tries to distract me when I am cooking.  The three women, who I sometimes call the Three Witches, are in love with me, and continuously try to make me jealous of their other male friends.  In this recent delusion, the old man and the three women were trying to get my neighbor to ask me for a date.  In return, she would receive $12,000.  However, the real purpose behind the offer of the three women was to get my neighbor to break my heart. 

            In the delusion that I just described, however, I felt I had no control.  I could not distract myself with television or music. This delusion was so far out there that I could not help but fade in and out of what I was doing at the time. At one point I heard a voice yelling, “I will not date him!”  I opened my front door and stepped outside. I wanted to check the evidence to be sure this delusion was not actually happening. It is important for me not to freak out when it is “all in my head.”

            On another occasion as I was changing into my pajamas, I heard a voice saying, “He’s fat.”  My first thought was, “Well, gee, Voice, I am doing the best I can with that.” I thought it was funny that my delusion was now insulting my weight or physique.  A sense of humor is sometimes beneficial in seeing the unreality of a delusion!

            The next morning, I woke up and could not wait to call my mom to tell her, not only about the delusion, but how I handled it well. She is my trust partner, and she is someone with whom I can talk about a delusion, and I know she will understand.

            She laughed with me and said, “You are worth more than $12,000.”

            I told her about the whole delusion and blocking it out with my comedies. I told her how I was fading in and out, and she thought of the perfect analogy.

            “It seems to be like a dream you cannot wake up from.”

            Delusions are like a dream you have when you are sleeping. Sometimes you cannot easily wake up from them.

            So, what do I do when I begin to experience a delusion that I cannot just block out? It is important for me to not allow myself to explore the delusion because when I do, I lose track of time and my mind feels heavy.  I try to distract myself with some other activities.  Watching television helps me, especially comedies.  I also have a huge selection of DVDs, so watching movies can also give me a distraction.  Fortunately, I live in a second-floor apartment which has a balcony.  Sometimes, just going out onto my balcony and watching the activity going on around me help to put the delusion to rest.  Music, especially jazz, relaxes me and gives relief from an intense delusion. 

            Since delusions are one of the symptoms of my serious mental health diagnosis, I know that I cannot allow them to control my thinking.  I have learned that it is possible to accept my brain disease, but not to allow the symptoms to control my day-to-day activity.  Having a plan to put into practice when a delusion begins is my way of coping with my schizophrenia.  My advice for someone who has similar issues is to come up with your own plan to divert your thinking when a delusion first starts.