What to Say and What Not to Say

 

What to say and what not to say

           

            I guess it is a kind of intelligence to know what to say and what not to say. It takes a special kind of intellect to quickly understand if a stranger will understand or not understand. I have not necessarily mastered it, but I do my best to try to understand a new acquaintance.

            I was born with a speech impediment. At a young age, I realize that some words I cannot say, because some people will not be able to understand. I figured I would be misunderstood. I was comfortable staying quiet. Luckily, I discovered writing, and quickly I learned this was the best way for me to communicate. My speech impediment was having trouble with the “r’ sound.

            I may have gotten better with my speech impediment, but I still have some trouble with some words. Two words come to mind that I have trouble with “work” and “rural.” Instead, of saying these words wrong, I try to find different words I can say that mean the same. Instead, of saying work out as in “I like to work out.” I say exercise. I can say exercise fine. My parents live in rural Virginia. Instead, of saying “rural” I say, “the country.” “My parents live in the country.”

            I realize over the years that I cannot just stay quiet. Sometimes I talk and I sound like I am from New York. One time at the Veteran’s hospital I was in the room to get my shot. I was talking with the nurse, getting to know you kind of stuff. She told me she was from upstate New York.

            I repeated, “You are from New York.” In my kind of accent.

 She said, “You must be from there too.”

            I said, “No it is a speech impediment.”

            Her face became serious, and she said, “I think you are getting smart with me.”

            I assured her I did in fact have a speech impediment.”

            With schizophrenia, you must have a similar kind of knowledge. When I meet a new acquaintance, I do my best to find out if they will understand that not only, I have schizophrenia, but also that I am managing it well.

            When it comes to meeting mental health professionals or even a nurse chances, they will be fine with me living on my own with schizophrenia. Most of the nurses I meet at the Veteran’s hospital think that schizophrenia is a condition similar too diabetes. Both illnesses need medication.   

            When I talk to my neighbors around my apartment complex, I am careful with what I disclose. When it comes to the question, “So What do you do?” I do my best to be careful with the answer. I wish I lived in a world where I do not have to walk on eggshells with the answer to “So what do you do?” I wish I lived in a world where I can answer this question with what exactly I am thinking. I wish I could answer, “I have schizophrenia that I manage with medication. I believe there is nothing to be ashamed about. I am a published writer and a mental health advocate. I live a very fulfilling life.”

            Some of that is okay like saying I am a mental health advocate and published writer. That is how I usually answer. Some people leave it at that, and others keep asking questions. Sometimes I say screw it and I answer, “I write first person accounts of my schizophrenia.” Most of the time they do not have questions after that. I guess my answer left them speechless.

            Despite that things have gotten better. I have friends a whole community that have schizophrenia. Sometimes I see their posts on social network and it just makes feel contented. I realize I am not alone. There are other people out there who deal with the same things I do. There are people out there such as my trust partners, my mom, and my dad that I say whatever is on my mind. That is powerful. That makes me feel powerful. I also hope my articles help other people like some help me.

            In this schizophrenia community, we are not competitive. We understand each other and often encourage each other. We all have our own ways in dealing with tough days. We can say whatever to each other. We are not alone.