Fighting Goliath

  Day to Day Living with Schizophrenia             When I was initially diagnosed with Schizophrenia, on meds, and home from the hospital, I did not know what was next? One way to look at it is, there are people out there who would spend a fortune to be able to start their lives over. I was starting over. I had already overcome the first hurdles in recovery, but I needed to continue moving forward, and I needed to know I had to be patient with myself.             In the morning, for me I like to ease into my day. I breathe in and breathe out using mindfulness to be present in the morning. With mindfulness I use my senses. What do I hear? What do I feel? What do I see? I often think of things for which I am thankful. I have a gratitude journal and often write that I am thankful for a good night’s sleep. I am also thankful that I am still alive, financially stable, and ha...

 Group Therapy Adventures   A person can look around McGuire Veterans Hospital and feel depressed about the paraplegics, amputees or the men talking to themselves, angry at the voices in their heads, or the doctors with the thousand yard stare, overwhelmed at what they have seen on their rounds, and some of them maybe as bad off as soldiers who have actually seen combat.  Occasionally you see a smile, and that smile is contagious. These surroundings can make you wonder:  Is death paying the ultimate price for freedom, or is death really living the rest of your life with a handicap?  Today the V-A mental health group went to a Chinese buffet which was a lot better than the overdone turkey and stuffing they served in the cafeteria yesterday. At the buffet, the ex-soldiers filled their plates up and then went back for seconds.  I sat with a man whose name I forget, and we talked a little about our situations. I listened not wanting to step out of boun...

 The Possessions Acquired  In my new 44th year of life, I have concluded something with the help of my volunteer job at Goodwill. Just like the mail there will always be “things” to sort and put in the right spot. At Goodwill I often sort and hang up clothes that all for whatever reason not wanted by their first owner. Maybe the clothes do not fit anymore, or the owner wants more space. Sometimes I even hang up clothes with the original brand-new tags on them. Every day at Goodwill people get rid of material items and people pick up material items. Possessions come and go.  We acquire possessions that in time we might not need anymore. Possessions are not permanent. Once we leave this life our material items will be unused and possibly donated to Goodwill for new people to acquire. The people in our life left in this world will oversee giving away our possessions that we cannot use anymore. It is not our possessions that are important. Although my vinyl collection i...

  A Shady Spot As a younger man I strived for Glory Hungry for experience. My smile reflected my joy For a worthwhile adventure. The glory could not be restrained. Now as an older man I want rest and a quiet mind. Simple   action, without restraints While asleep I have blinders for my Schizophrenia And my mind off the rails is silenced. Today as a man I sit in a shady spot, Away from the tentacles of the heat I saw a baby boy’s hand waving at me. The baby boy exclaimed, “It’s sunny.” And I said, “Yes it is and I am in my shady spot.”   Beached It is beyond your control The undertow Of the wave Washes over you You can be sucked under And it can take you off your feet. You may feel blinded. Nothing artificial Yet by grace You are forced onto the beach With the wind knocked out of you Breathless and paralyzed You have survived yourself. A natural rare smile slips across your face A sign of renewal As you ste...