How I Speak About My Schizophrenia
How I Speak About my Schizophrenia
I guess it is a kind of intelligence to know what to say
and what not to say. It takes a special kind of intellect to quickly understand
if a stranger will understand or not understand. I have not necessarily
mastered it, but I do my best to try to understand a new acquaintance.
I was born with a speech impediment. At a young age, I
realize that some words I cannot say, because some people will not be able to
understand. I figured I would be misunderstood. I was comfortable staying
quiet. Luckily, I discovered writing, and quickly I learned this was the best
way for me to communicate. My speech impediment was having trouble with the “r’
sound.
I may have gotten better with my speech impediment, but I
still have some trouble with some words. Two words come to mind that I have
trouble with “work” and “rural.” Instead, of saying these words wrong, I try to
find different words I can say that mean the same. Instead, of saying work out
as in “I like to work out.” I say exercise. I can say exercise fine. My parents
live in rural Virginia. Instead, of saying “rural” I say, “the country.” “My
parents live in the country.”
I realize over the years that I cannot just stay quiet.
Sometimes I talk and I sound like I am from New York. One time at the Veteran’s
hospital I was in the room to get my shot. I was talking with the nurse,
getting to know you kind of stuff. She told me she was from upstate New York.
I repeated, “You are from New York.” In my kind of
accent.
She said, “You must be from there too.”
I said, “No it is a speech impediment.”
Her face became serious, and she said, “I think you are
getting smart with me.”
I assured her I did in fact have a speech impediment.”
With schizophrenia, you must have a similar kind of
knowledge. When I meet a new acquaintance, I do my best to find out if they
will understand that not only, I have schizophrenia, but also that I am
managing it well.
When it comes to meeting mental health professionals or
even a nurse chances, they will be fine with me living on my own with
schizophrenia. Most of the nurses I meet at the Veteran’s hospital think that
schizophrenia is a condition similar too diabetes. Both illnesses need
medication.
When I talk to my neighbors around my apartment complex,
I am careful with what I disclose. When it comes to the question, “So What do
you do?” I do my best to be careful with the answer. I wish I lived in a world
where I do not have to walk on eggshells with the answer to “So what do you
do?” I wish I lived in a world where I can answer this question with what
exactly I am thinking. I wish I could answer, “I have schizophrenia that I
manage with medication. I believe there is nothing to be ashamed about. I am a
published writer and a mental health advocate. I live a very fulfilling life.”
Some of that is okay like saying I am a mental health
advocate and published writer. That is how I usually answer. Some people leave
it at that, and others keep asking questions. Sometimes I say screw it and I
answer, “I write first person accounts of my schizophrenia.” Most of the time
they do not have questions after that. I guess my answer left them speechless.
Despite that things have gotten better. I have friends a
whole community that have schizophrenia. Sometimes I see their posts on social
network and it just makes feel contented. I realize I am not alone. There are
other people out there who deal with the same things I do. There are people out
there such as my trust partners, my mom, and my dad that I say whatever is on
my mind. That is powerful. That makes me feel powerful. I also hope my articles
help other people like some help me.
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