Portraits to Remember

 

Portraits to Remember

            Awhile back, a Picasso exbibit came to my city’s art museum. I was excited to view the exhibit because I have always admired Picasso and his influence on other visual artists. One painting by Picasso, called Celestina, was a woman with an eye that was semi closed, even dead, and some might call ‘ugly.’ Picasso painted Celestina during, what was called, his Blue Period, using drab shades of blue and an overall theme of despondency. The painting of Celestina has so much detail that one might think it a photograph upon first examination. Personally, I was draw to Christina’s eye. While the rest of Christina’s portrait was normal, her eye called out for my attention.

            I wondered how Picasso had encountered Christina. Was she familiar to the people around her community, and how did they treat her because of her deformity? Did Picasso asked her to come to his studio so he could paint her? Did he just file her image away in his mind and paint her later? What was Picasso’s motivation for painting an older woman who obviously had a facial deformity which was seen by everyone? For his own reasons, which we will never know, Picasso wanted to remember Celestina because she had some impact on his life.

            I have lived in my average-sized city for many years, but I will be moving soon to a different state. There are people that I see on a regular basis that have formed portraits in my mind that I will never forget when I am in my new location.

            There is an employee at the grocery store that I enjoy seeing when I am shopping. When I see him there working, I assume he is doing okay, he made it to work. On the few occasions when he speaks, I have to listen closely because he is very soft-spoken. Even when he is facing me, he does not make eye contact. His left arm hangs low, and it looks like it is a heavy weight he has to drag along with him. His arm was obviously damaged in an accident, or he was born with a non-functioning arm. Sometimes he works in the self-checkout. On other occasions he is working as a cashier. This tells me that he is a dedicated and trusted employee who has been given responsibility at his job. Sometimes when I am in public places, my schizophrenia is triggered, and I think people are talking about me behind my back, laughing or staring at me wondering what I am going to do next. When I pass him in the store, I am never paranoid. Long after I move, I will remember his face and mannerisms. He is a portrait in my mind of someone who without knowing it, has made a small impact on my life.

            I have to go to the veteran’s hospital once a month for medication, and to speak with my psychiatrist. When I am in the mental health waiting room, there are faces that are comforting to see. Because of the pandemic there have been fewer people in the waiting room, but there is a man who talks loudly to himself, and who does not appear to be able to sit still for long. I suspect that, like me, he is hearing voices, and thinks he has to respond. Whenever he sees me, he always says, “Hi,” and I smile back and ask how he is doing. He always answers, fine. Then he goes back to speaking to his invisible stranger. I do not know his name, but I remember his kind smile and his friendliness.

            There is also a young man and his dad who I often wonder about. I know how important it is to have support from family because of my mental health diagnosis. I am so glad this young man has his dad there with him to help him ask questions and gain confidence. This duo is usually quiet in the waiting room, but the dad lights up when he sees me, and I ask how they are doing? I can relate to the young man because there was a time when either my mom or my dad had to go with me to my mental health appointments. Both these men at the veteran’s hospital are veterans, and they are dedicated to staying on top of their diagnoses because they are waiting for their appointments. They are there to get help and direction just like me. They have given me encouragement as I see their determination to get better. They know how important support is and are willing to give it to their loved one. Their presence at the hospital shows that they have not given up and are firm in their determination to take advantage of the help that is offered to them. Their portraits in my mind will bring smiles to my life forever. Seeing them in my reality has given me comfort. Everyone has some kind of struggle, but these men are doing something about it. They are soldiering on and not surrendering. I hope they get the same kind of joy they have given me.

            These are just some of the people who I have added to my portrait gallery. They are priceless in their ability to spread enjoyment to anyone who is willing to search for their strengths. I am thankful to have them in my collection of portraits in my mind.