Fighting Goliath

  You Are Not Alone                   Loneliness is thought to be one of our greatest fears.   Even in today’s world, with social network and the internet, there are still people who feel loneliness and cry out for love and acceptance. I live alone, but on most days I do not feel lonely.             I believe life was not designed to be lived alone, but in community with others. The Bible says that in the beginning of time, man was alone, so God created female. Even though I have a severe mental illness that sometimes makes me want to isolate, I know I need human contact. Just being around people, even if it is just waiting in line with other veterans at the hospital where I go for treatment or messaging people on social network, is useful and essential for my wellbeing. I need to be heard, and I think most of us have that same need. ...

  The Dark Cloud Overhead               When I was in my middle teenage years, my dad once remarked that I seemed to have a dark cloud hanging over my head. He did not say those words to be hurtful. They were just an observation that he made on a particular day. Although that comment was made over twenty-five years ago, I still remember his words because they describe my adolescence very well.             I was growing up in a typical household during the 1980s. My parents were educators, and they were very much involved in my life. However, I look back on those days, and I conclude that I was functionally depressed. There may have been no outward signs that I was suffering mentally, but I was barely holding my head above water.             In those days, the music my friends and I listened to was sung by e...

  Understanding My Paranoia               I have a diagnosis of schizophrenia. I could be doing everything I am supposed to do, such as taking medication, eating right, and be on a good sleep schedule, but I still can have some paranoia. One of the things that has helped me deal with my paranoia is reading about other people’s experiences with paranoia.   When I read about what they are going through, it is an “Aha” moment—"Oh, I am not the only one who experiences this symptom.”             A couple days ago I drove to pick up some dry cleaning. I just assumed they were going to be open. Even though I got there early, the doors were locked.   As I was leaving, I saw a car with a license plate holder that said “Army veteran” on it. I immediately thought this person owned the dry cleaners, and he heard somehow, I was coming and closed early so I could no...

  Questioning my Voices               It was the weekend, and my neighbor across the hallway was outside her front door with friends smoking and talking loudly. Sometimes I looked through my door peep hole to place the voices with the faces. I really do not mind when they are outside chatting and spending time together. On the few occasions when my neighbor and I have talked she has told me she works two jobs; she certainly deserves a relaxing evening.             Suddenly I heard a voice, which I thought was coming from outside the door, say, “I want to know why he is alone,” and I assumed that question was directed at me. However, since I sometimes hear voices because of my diagnosis of schizoaffective disorder, I was not certain if the voice was really coming from my neighbor or from my brain disease. It was a fair enough question. I am a decent, somewhat good...

  The Experiences That May Have Caused My Psychosis   An article in the United Kingdom paper The Telegraph suggests that events in a person’s life can lead to mental illness. (28 March 2016 by Sarah Knapton, Science Editor, The Telegraph)   Most of the information I have read about mental illness implies that mental illness is most often associated with genes, but this new information tells me that it shouldn’t be genetics getting all the research.   Recently I thought of the U.K article again when in my home town,   a gunman, with seemingly no cause, opened fired and killed a police officer at the local bus station. I wondered what events in his life may have led to this horribly, sad situation.   The article and the recent shooting caused me to reflect on what events in my own life might have led to my diagnosis of schizophrenia.   I was reminded of three life changing events that may have affected my reality and possibly cont...