Bald is Beautiful

 

Bald is Beautiful

 

I decided hair was overrated. In a swift breeze my comb over would be blowing in the wind. After a strenuous workout, my hair was all over my head, but not covering the bald spots. After wearing a hat, my hair was matted down, and my baldness would be smiling back at me. I was told that my baldness was not noticeable, however, whenever I looked into my mirror, I could see it. Bald patches are never in a place where you can just cover them up by brushing. They are right in the middle or on top of your head where someone, either in front of you or behind, you can see it. When I get regular haircuts, the barber holds up a mirror so I can see the back of my head or top of my head. These moments are the only times I can fully see that baldness, but instinctively, I know the baldness is there waving at strangers walking behind me. I watched commercials on TV selling hair restoration for outrageous amounts of money. Since I could not afford to buy the product, I often wore caps or toboggans to cover up my thinning hair.

As someone with a mental health diagnosis, I am also stressed by thinking that people might be looking at me. This paranoia oftentimes comes along with a severe mental illness such as mine. Even something as simple as grooming can create stress in my mind, and I admit that I have at times stressed over my thinning hair, something I recognize that I have no control over.

Nowadays, culture has changed, and a bald head is more socially accepted than at other times. Looking through a magazine or watching TV, one sees more baldness and less thick hair. So recently I decided to shave my head. I had tried hair, and now I was ready for baldness all over! I shaved my head when I was in high school before I received my mental health diagnosis of schizophrenia, and I remembered that feeling of jumping in the shower and allowing the hair trimmings to wash down the drain. I remembered how quickly I could be ready to go out, not having to think about my hair. Shaving my head again as a grown man gave me those feelings again. I have to admit feeling my shaved head is as satisfying as touching my face after a clean, close shave. It is better than my own sparse hair between my fingers. I do not spend money on hair products, and I do not concern myself with what others might be seeing when they see my shaved head. I still like to wear hats, but I am no longer trying to cover up my head.

My recent look took some getting used to by some of the people around me. I was often greeted with, “Oh, hello…you shaved your head,” as if they were telling me something I did not know.

In my sometimes chaotic life, hair is something I no longer have to be concerned about. I decided to relieve the stress involved with hair maintenance. Self-care remains an important part of my daily routine. Much of my life I spend dealing with the symptoms of my mental illness, but I can control some decisions. When a cool breeze flows across my head’s stubble I just smile.

 

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