A Gift in Words

 

A Gift in Words

            Awhile back in the isolating times of Covid coupled with national unrest, most people in our country need to be lifted through words of affirmation that we speak to each other. Add mental illness to life’s uncertainty, and it is like dousing a fire with gasoline.  My mental illness has taught me to be mindful of what some may view as the little things of life--a dash of sun in the chill of winter, a slice of pizza, or a cup of recharging coffee, or perhaps a compliment.

            Every month I must go to the Veteran’s hospital for a blood check and to get my medication. I do not necessarily look forward to the trip, because I must wake up at 7am. It is, however, nice to get out of my apartment routine and see real people. Even though I do talk to my parents daily by phone, it is reassuring to be face to face with my psychiatrist and my nurse who gives me my long acting injectable. I look forward to the interaction I have with them.

            During my appointment with my psychiatrist, I mentioned how annoying it is to experience waves of delusions that fill up my mind.  I felt relief when she did not increase my medication. Her words reminded me that, despite my obstacles, I am doing the best I can.

            While I was waiting for my injectable, I noticed another veteran who was also waiting to see the nurse.  This person was wearing a very extravagant hat that looked like an explosion of color.  Not a hat one would usually see at the Veterans’ hospital. When it was my turn for a shot, I casually asked the nurse if she sometimes felt depressed by being around unusual people all day.

            She thought about it, and answered, “I see mental health as any other condition.”

            She went on to say, “I use to work with in-patients, and they are like any other patient with an illness.”

            My heart sprung up as her words lifted me. I felt happy to hear a nurse explain her opinion which is exactly what ignites my advocacy. That was something I agree with, but occasionally forget. Mental health consumers need this constant reminder--Our mental illness is the same as a physical illness.

            “I told her she was a saint and thanked her for her service.” I hoped my appreciation of her comment would encourage her to keep going forward during this typical Tuesday.   

            On my way out of the hospital, I stopped by the restroom where I saw a janitor who was mopping the floor. Not wanting to walk on his wet floor, I asked,

            “Are you cleaning?”  

            He answered, “Go ahead.”

            As I was leaving the restroom, I thanked the janitor for his service, hoping he would know how much I appreciated his contribution to keeping our hospital clean.  I could not imagine his job cleaning up after others during a pandemic.  He was probably also a veteran who had served his country.

             That Tuesday visit to the Veterans’ hospital was certainly worth waking up early. For me I acknowledge the little things that shine a light into the cave of negativity, no matter how small. There is no cure for my schizophrenia, but I will win daily no matter how small the battles are. I acknowledge the little details that keep my heart beating. Our nation is strong, we need each other to get through difficult times. We need to accept the light from strangers and shine the light on others who might need to be inspired to get through life.