What is Triggering my Stress?

 

What is Triggering my Stress?

Schizophrenia Bulletin, Volume 50, Issue 1, January 2024, Pages 9-10,

https://doi.org/10.1093/schbul/sbac009

Published: 07 February 2022

            There are times when I know that stress in my life is triggering my schizoaffective symptoms. I have to do an evaluation to determine what is causing that stress. It could be just underneath the surface, and I have difficulty putting into words what is causing the stress. Often the best way to find what is stressing me out, what it is just underneath the surface, is talking to a close friend, family member, or doctor. I am constantly reminded; I cannot do this alone. I need support to get through these anxious times.

            Recently I have a major life even coming up in my life. I am moving to South Carolina to be close to my family. I will be living close to the beach in an area with which I am familiar. I will be closer to my parents who are an important part of my support team. I thought I was managing the move well. I am usually in the mindset that I will deal with the situation when I come to it; however, I realized that the thoughts of this big step had me in knots that were just below the surface of my life.

             My new apartment will be in a neighborhood of grocery stores, restaurants, and a movie theatre. A nice hot meal will be blocks away. My new location will be very convenient to all the places I need, including the Veteran’s Hospital which is only a block away from my new apartment.

            In the weeks leading up to this move, I realized that I had fallen into the hole known as depression. I tried distracting myself with music, movies, and exercise. I was awakened by demonic voices which freaked me out even though I knew that could be a part of my schizophrenia. I managed to go back to sleep yet I woke up again hours later. Trying to distract myself from the paranoia, I listened to my book on tape and made coffee. I also listened to a church service online.

            The last thing I wanted to do was to sit in a dark apartment, with the shades drawn doing my best to deal with these delusions, so I went to breakfast not knowing what was causing my stress, and not understanding why I was experiencing symptoms of schizophrenia. What was the trigger? How could it be stress when I am eating breakfast at my favorite place, and I was moving into the perfect new apartment in a city that I loved?

            In the restaurant, I heard insulting voices coming from my brain. I pretended to people watch, but not really. Instead, I was trying to figure out if the voices were real or in my head. The server was polite, each of the other customers were at the table talking to friends or loved ones. I ate my breakfast, paid, and decided to get my car washed.

            During my drive to the carwash, I was paranoid that I was being followed. I ignored the feeling the best I could, thinking that I was not doing anything wrong or illegal. That is another thing I learned about my schizophrenia. Be good, behave appropriately, and you will have no reason to be paranoid.

            When I was in the carwash the steering wheel seemed to be rocking back and forth, left, and right. I did not know if the motion was really happening, or just in my head. I started vacuuming my car thinking that the other customers were staring at me because I was doing something weird. Because this has happened before, I knew it was a part of my schizophrenia.

            I went back to my apartment and decided to call my parents. I left a voice mail, and then dad immediately called me back. I do not care how capable I am; I cannot figure out my symptoms alone. Eventually I need to explain them to someone who can help me clarify what is going on. I told dad about my schizophrenia symptoms, especially the demonic voices which was a first-time occurrence.

            Dad and I kept talking. He asked me questions that helped him to understand what I was going through. I did my best to answer. During the forty-minute conversation, something clicked… I realized there were still aspects of the move that were unfamiliar, creating an uncertainty I had not experienced before. I was reminded that I do not have the power to predict the future. My new apartment was in the perfect place, but all the questions were causing me to be stressed out. Will the new VA have my medication? Will I be able to drive short distances when I am there? Would my new doctor and I be able to communicate effectively? These questions, and others, were the origin of the stress I was feeling. The stress was creating the delusions and demonic voices. Just pinpointing the trigger made me feel so much better. Everyone can be affected by stress, even those who do not have a mental health diagnosis, and a major move can be a life-changing event for anyone. Dad and I prayed together, and then I went away from the conversation feeling much better. I knew I was not alone in making the move, and I would have help along the way whenever I had a question. I felt like I could manage the rest of the day.

 I will begin a new routine when I get to my new location. My present life of doing my part in taking care of my mental health had become so easy. I was familiar with my current Veteran’s Hospital and its set up. I had gone there since 2006, and I often found myself giving directions to someone who was new there. With the move I will be the new one again. I will have to ask for directions, and there would be new procedures to learn. I look forward to the time when I will be in my new apartment with all my questions answered, but I know that experiencing uncertainty is something we all go through whether or not we have a mental illness. This is another of the times when I am so glad, I have an excellent support team to help me. Through this experience of moving, I am learning that stress is not necessarily caused by terrible things happening in my life. The stress that triggers my schizoaffective symptoms can come even when I am looking forward to something new. Sometimes the schizophrenic challenge for me is day to day, hour to hour, or even minute to minute.